December 3, 2017

Well today should have been an awesome day but turns out decorating with children can lead to different things.  I mean from an outside window looking in it looked pretty good.  Our house is covered in Christmas lights and signs of the season, we broke out the Advent wreath, had dinner together (which is a personal goal as much as possible this season) and watched the movie Elf to bring in the season.  I'm certain the kids have no idea of the tension that we may have felt but it can be stressful, all that organizing and hanging and decorating and hauling.  I find my pregnant body doesn't have the physical strength or emotional stamina it normally does.  By the time the movie was put on I could barely keep my eyes open.  And it was only 5:30.

But alas, here we are.  Today has marked a day for me for so long.  I've pushed so hard to get to this day.  To get so many things done so I could just lean into Advent.  And today is officially the church's marking of the start of this season.  43lI know I have a long way to go to regain a sense of normalcy after what was most certainly the most insane fall I've ever had.  I feel like I pushed so I can relax when this baby comes...but I know I pushed to hard.  Today was the first day in so long I haven't had anything scheduled.  And the invitation was there.  Tonight was an event at church called Advent by Candlelight...and I declined several invitations...at this point the silence and stillness is much more appealing.

I know it takes time to lean into it.  But I'm so thankful to be here.  To have had a day to celebrate with my family, even if it meant some stress behind the scenes.  To hear Jackson sing a Christmas song unsolicited because his heart was obviously happy.  To see Asher dance like a madman when pulling out certain ornaments...and to hear Addie Rose laugh with freedom while snuggled next to me watching Elf.  

I've got a way to go to let my soul rest...I'm starting...and rest indeed it needs.  I'll forever remember the excitement of our children on days like today...even though I'm exhausted.  I know we are making memories.