Worry

Last night we just laid low.  It was awesome to just have a 'lazy Sunday'.  We found ourselves on our porch flipping through channels and landed upon Dateline after Addie Rose was in bed.  Jackson was sitting with us and seldom do I realize how much he is really paying attention as the tv is on...but there was a investigation on how children do not hear smoke alarms.  They are much quicker to respond to their parents voice than to hear smoke alarms going off if they are in a deep sleep.  It was the first time that the thought of a fire in our home was ever presented to Jackson.  (I know-we haven't had an emergency escape conversation yet-but we will).

Anyways...later on that night-he lay in bed to fall asleep.  I was downstairs working and he came down.  Turns out he had fallen asleep and woken up to a fear that we would have a fire.  He was in tears as he climbed into my arms, expressing his fear that our house would be on fire.  I reassured him he need not worry...

A couple of months ago, while Michael was in D.C. Jackson started to become afraid that daddy was going to grow into an old man and leave us to go in the ground.  (Michael walked with him through the cemetary a couple of times and they had that talk)...that fear gripped him as lay in bed at night...I reassured him not to worry...daddy will always be with him.

The point is, something is shifting in our son.  He is no longer just a baby completely naive to pain, fear and worry.  He is starting to recognize bigger worry, bigger things in life...and I'm sad for him.  A part of his innocence is fading away.  I'm not upset and this is just the beginning, I know that...but it has me thinking a lot about my own heart.

We purposely argue in front of Jackson...Michael and I have made a conscious effort not to hide our emotions- happy, angry or sad.  Lately, arguments that we have had have left Jackson telling us to be nice to each other, make good choices and say your sorry.  How sweet is that?

Lately I have been hearing a lot about other peoples pain...stories of young people having strokes, women with cancer, sudden loss, trials to get pregnant...seems like there have been a number of people I've been in communication with who know or who are struggling in some sense.  Or who have experienced some sense of sadness as of late...

And I know I can't shield our children from that forever.  But in all these conversations with Jackson I'm SO incredibly thankful that we have something to offer him.  When he fears Michael growing old we talk to him about how we never really die...how as long as you have God in your heart you live forever.  Or when he hears us argue we can talk to him about what love really is...hard and true.

I guess this is just my humble way of being grateful to for grace and hope.  Honestly, how would we endure without it?  Life is hard and it sure throws us some curve balls...but this hope that I know is just pure blessing and the grace that I've encountered through a loving God is beyond measure.

My prayer is that we can continue to point Jackson and Addie Rose in the direction of those two things...while validating their fear or worry...I can show them that there is a reason for hope.  In this week of Holy Week...I'm continuing to cling to that reason for hope.  As my heart is weary or tired...I know that I have some hope to hold on to...and praise the Lord for that.