Chapter: College Minister
Well it's the second night of the retreat...sitting here during prayer stations in the quiet with music playing in the background. David Crowder singing,
"how can such a thing, shine it's light on me, and make everything so beautiful...and you should hear the angels sing, all gathered around their king, more beautiful than you could dream, I've been quietly listening..."
"I wanna shine, I wanna be light, I wanna tell you it will be alright...?
Makes me think about St. Paul's and Andre Lesperance...wow that feels like forever ago, but it was such a part of my journey of ministry. I feel like this is me closing a chapter, a significant chapter of my life is officially shutting. I don't know if I will ever work with college students in an 'official' capacity again. I mean, I definitely may in some way...but right now it seems very far off.
I know that this chapter never officially closes...this job isn't one where I punched the clock, or left my work when I closed the door of my office. There are students that have become friends, and some even like family...many who I will never lose touch with and others that I will want updates on...but my 'being paid' to minister to college students is ending...and I'm okay with that. I'm sad at what I'm saying goodbye to but I know what I'm looking forward to is worth every ounce of sadness I may feel.
I can't even believe it Lord. I can't believe how my heart is changed. That I would feel so much conviction and be willing to give up the very core of who I have always known myself to be - college minister Tasha - to focus on stay-at-home-mom Tasha.
Yet I go forward with such conviction that this is RIGHT. Seriously Lord, four months ago I would have thought that notion of me being home was CRAZY. But now I can't imagine any other way. I'm so excited for moments with Jackson and Addie. I'm so ready to enjoy day to day life, to get frustrated at little things, to be present to them, to provide their security and comfort, to shape their early days...
And I'm ready to serve my husband in a new way. Perhaps I can me more organized, and bring a little more peace to his life...but more than that, (Although I know he would appreciate that so much) I just want to be available to him. I know he needs quality time, I know he feels loved when I spend time listening, talking, and reflecting with him. I want to just be more with him...instead of doing more for him. I hope that I will grow into that...and that through that I can serve him more...
I look at these college students, as I stood before them tonight, (trying to fight back tears) I realized how desperately I yearn for them to know,
with conviction,
that they are loved,
that they are known,
that there is a place for comfort and security.
When the world lets them down, I want then to know they are loved. When they think they aren't good enough, I want them to know they are appreciated. I looked into their eyes tonight as I tried to humbly share that truth with them, and I thought about Jackson and Adelyn Rose...and how badly I want them to know that truth. And how I hope when they sit here in 10-15 years that they will know the same truth.
Oh I pray, from the bottom of my soul, that I may contribute to their knowledge of that truth. I pray that these years I'm stepping away from formal ministry may assist them in the understanding of God's love for them...and how beautiful they truly are.
I can't give thanks enough, seriously, for the beauty and blessing I have experienced in the last seven years as a college minister. I have seen joy, brokenness, enthusiasm, pain, death, illness...and I have seen the hand of the Lord in people's lives, up close and personal, in ways that I KNOW is such a privilege. I pray that in my weak moments I may be reminded of that truth, of these moments of the Holy Spirit...and I give glory to the One who allowed me to walk this privileged path for this period of my life. May You always remind me what an honor it was to serve in this capacity...you humble me Lord...you humble me. Thank you.
"how can such a thing, shine it's light on me, and make everything so beautiful...and you should hear the angels sing, all gathered around their king, more beautiful than you could dream, I've been quietly listening..."
"I wanna shine, I wanna be light, I wanna tell you it will be alright...?
Makes me think about St. Paul's and Andre Lesperance...wow that feels like forever ago, but it was such a part of my journey of ministry. I feel like this is me closing a chapter, a significant chapter of my life is officially shutting. I don't know if I will ever work with college students in an 'official' capacity again. I mean, I definitely may in some way...but right now it seems very far off.
I know that this chapter never officially closes...this job isn't one where I punched the clock, or left my work when I closed the door of my office. There are students that have become friends, and some even like family...many who I will never lose touch with and others that I will want updates on...but my 'being paid' to minister to college students is ending...and I'm okay with that. I'm sad at what I'm saying goodbye to but I know what I'm looking forward to is worth every ounce of sadness I may feel.
I can't even believe it Lord. I can't believe how my heart is changed. That I would feel so much conviction and be willing to give up the very core of who I have always known myself to be - college minister Tasha - to focus on stay-at-home-mom Tasha.
Yet I go forward with such conviction that this is RIGHT. Seriously Lord, four months ago I would have thought that notion of me being home was CRAZY. But now I can't imagine any other way. I'm so excited for moments with Jackson and Addie. I'm so ready to enjoy day to day life, to get frustrated at little things, to be present to them, to provide their security and comfort, to shape their early days...
And I'm ready to serve my husband in a new way. Perhaps I can me more organized, and bring a little more peace to his life...but more than that, (Although I know he would appreciate that so much) I just want to be available to him. I know he needs quality time, I know he feels loved when I spend time listening, talking, and reflecting with him. I want to just be more with him...instead of doing more for him. I hope that I will grow into that...and that through that I can serve him more...
I look at these college students, as I stood before them tonight, (trying to fight back tears) I realized how desperately I yearn for them to know,
with conviction,
that they are loved,
that they are known,
that there is a place for comfort and security.
When the world lets them down, I want then to know they are loved. When they think they aren't good enough, I want them to know they are appreciated. I looked into their eyes tonight as I tried to humbly share that truth with them, and I thought about Jackson and Adelyn Rose...and how badly I want them to know that truth. And how I hope when they sit here in 10-15 years that they will know the same truth.
Oh I pray, from the bottom of my soul, that I may contribute to their knowledge of that truth. I pray that these years I'm stepping away from formal ministry may assist them in the understanding of God's love for them...and how beautiful they truly are.
I can't give thanks enough, seriously, for the beauty and blessing I have experienced in the last seven years as a college minister. I have seen joy, brokenness, enthusiasm, pain, death, illness...and I have seen the hand of the Lord in people's lives, up close and personal, in ways that I KNOW is such a privilege. I pray that in my weak moments I may be reminded of that truth, of these moments of the Holy Spirit...and I give glory to the One who allowed me to walk this privileged path for this period of my life. May You always remind me what an honor it was to serve in this capacity...you humble me Lord...you humble me. Thank you.
Tash- I think this is my favorite thing that I've seen you write. There's a lot of openness, vulnerability, and words that sound like they are completely inspired by where you were at that moment. What a beautiful prayer and witness.
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