Calling

I've been in New York for a conference for work for the last five days. I dropped Jackson off with Grandma and Grandpa Weitl a week ago today. I will write another post soon about his adventure on the but wanted to share a little bit about my experience here.

It has been a good conference, a ton of fun to be with students for this amount of time. We got to visit the United Nations and it was so powerful to see all that the UN does for Human Rights throughout the world. I went to serve on Friday at a place called Goshen farms that serves migrant farmworker children. When parents go into the fields they used to have to bring their kids along to the fields or leave them home at very young ages to take care of themselves. This is a very impressive school that has eight classroooms of kids ranging from 5 months to 5 years old which provides an alternative for kids of migrants. I experienced the longing to be around this population that I used to serve again. There were years of my life when I spent all my time walking with Latino migrants and I loved it. I found myself having a desire to connect and live in their world again. I was given pure joy in being with these kids, they are so beautiful.

The moment I walked into the room I was broken with an ache to see Jackson, recognizing I hadn't spent much time with any kids over the last week.

I realized I love children-particularly the innocence and curiosity of toddlers and babies.

I realized how much I yearn for another child.

I realized how much I ache for children who go unloved. How is it possible to not look into the eyes of a child and absolutely love them?

These kids that we were with were SO happy and secure which tells me they have people in their lives who truly love and care for them. And so many of the children in this world don't fall in that category...

I was put in this tension of feeling inadequate because I'm not serving in the same context I once did-I'm not working with the visibly poor. . .and then I started to think a lot about being a mom...

I may be just a mom...but being a mother is a humbling and servant job in and of itself:

• You don't receive rewards, bonuses or promotions.

• You never get to voice your opinion with authority in a board meeting or climb the corporate ladder.

• You spend unwanted hours cleaning up messes, holding a sick baby, making meals, doing laundry, cleaning the house, changing diapers, paying bills, running errands, you name it....

And you hold out for the moments when you hear that one word, that one gesture of love that makes it all worth it...when a child calls you "Mommy."

I might not be serving in migrant camps or working in the U.N....but I'm trying to teach my son to know, love and serve the Lord...with the hopes that THAT...will change the world.