December 25, 2022

 It's 2:26 am.  Technically it's Christmas Day but I'm just finishing the touches on Christmas Eve.  All are sleeping, the house is quiet minus the sound of that ice maker and a dishwasher...I've settled into some white cheddar popcorn and a topo-chico...if that doesn't describe my idea of Christmas I don't know what does.  :)

I haven't done December daily for two years...but it doesn't mean a lot of life hasn't happened.  In fact too much at times.  It seems like post-Covid we've been run ragged.  Covid gave us such a good chance to chill and prioritize the important things...even though there was much hard about it.  

I look at the faces of these beautiful kiddos and I know that it's fading.  The wonder, the excitement, the joy of Christmas that is caught in the magic of Santa.  I ache for them to have that same joy and wonder in the birth of a Savior...in the comfort of a King who fills their hearts...

And my momma heart hurts a little.  While I know they wake up tomorrow with anticipation, even if they are too old to live into the magic...I know it's a letting go.  My baby isn't a baby anymore (although he tried to convince me this week he is and that it's okay for him to whine because I always call him my baby).  The days of Santa visits and reindeer food and lights in the sky are fading... and I find myself meandering in a teenage and tween reality that seems rather unfamiliar.  I know how to hang with kids in middle school...I'm not sure I know how to parent them.  

Because long ago I could scoop them in my arms and protect them from all the hard that they face out there in the world...I could be their compass...and now they are finding their own strength, determining their own direction.  My grip is loosening but my love grows deeper and wider.

And through it all I know that nothing we can give them, no gift under the tree, no perfect present will ever leave them satisfied.  So I surrender them over, once again, to You Lord Jesus...in hopes that they will know the greatest and most important gift they could...Your love.  And as I let go, I pray our parenting is a glimpse of that in some way, shape or form.

To the tiny child who came and changed the world...you are the ultimate gift.  We are eternally grateful for the grace of your love and how it changed our lives.  Merry Christmas.